Dear Ask A Cop,
I am attending the regional police academy, and we have to get Taser Certified in a few days. My soon-to-be agency requires we get tased in order to be certified to carry it. Did you have to get tased when you were certified? What was it like? And does it really hurt that bad?
Jack K.
Dear Jack,
Allow me to address your last question first... Does it hurt?!?!? Is there a mustache in Mexico? Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back? HELL YES IT HURTS!!
Yes, I had to ride lightning in order to be certified, and I believe all officers should. Oh, and the evil sadistic masochists that certified us made us take the five-second burst instead of only the three seconds that are required.
The reason officers need to experience being tased is so you understand that if you hit someone with a Taser and it does little to eliminate their desire to scrap, then you are in for one hell of a fight.
HOW DO TASERS WORK?
Tasers use electrical current to induce neuromuscular incapacitation. When a Taser is fired, two probes are released from the weapon. If both of these probes enter the person, a circuit is created. In layman’s terms, it sends a signal to all your muscles that are between the two probes to flex (lock up). For a few seconds, the brain cannot control these muscles, and thus you become immobilized.
Once the two probes hit the body, an electrical current is instantly created between the two. The muscles between the two probes lock up, as stated above. So, if both of the probes hit numb nuts in the lower back, there are only a few small muscles between the probes that will be affected. They will still ride the lightning, but it will be at a minimal effect.
Now, let’s say one probe hits him in the left calf, and the other hits him in the right calf. That means that the electrical current is going to affect the muscles all the way up the left leg, through the muscle of love, and the muscles all the way down the right leg. This tick turd is in for a world of hurt!! He is about to see Jesus, Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny all at the same time! So, if you make good contact with both barbs, the uncooperative douchebag will hit the ground. If they don’t, then you are fighting with the love child of Zeuss and Xena Warrior Princess, and you are probably about to get your ass whipped.
Some officers believe that anyone on certain drugs, such as PCP, will not be affected by a Taser. This is absolutely not true. As I described above, the mind will not have a say in the matter, because the electrical current forces the muscles to lock up tight. The problem with people on PCP is after the current shuts off. So, if you are alone with the rocket scientist, you will most likely have to keep lighting him up until help arrives. So you need to get some backup there quick, fast, and in a hurry.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE?
Ahhh yes, I remember it well.....
The best way I can think of to describe it is this: Imagine getting butt-naked, squatting over a Roman Candle with a repeater until the tube is just inside your bum, and someone lights the fuse. For the next five seconds, there’s going to be a fireworks show inside your body.
Honestly, for me, it felt like someone was slamming a baseball bat into my spine from top to bottom as hard as they could for 5 seconds.....good times! I can remember feeling just wave after wave of being slammed in the back with something hard, but every time it hit me, the “hit” would travel from my shoulder blades to my butt.
The great thing about a Taser, though, is when the power shuts off, all of the pain instantly stops completely. It’s not like OC Spray, where you burn and hurt for two days!
For those of you out there who haven't had the pleasure of riding a lightning bolt, I have attached a short video to show you just how powerful a Taser is. (And don't worry... Jumbo Jack was just fine!!).
So, if a Taser can vapor lock a 600 lb Steer like that, then obviously, a 250 lb person is not going to be able to do anything.
Now, again, as you can see with our bovine friend, as soon as the clicking sound stops, he jumps up and is ready to fight. The pain instantly goes away.
BE READY FOR THAT!
While 99% of people who get shot with a Taser are left lying there wondering what kind of truck hit them, I have seen people immediately jump up and try to fight or run.
Jack, I wish you luck on your journey. Just remember, it only lasts for three seconds.
But DAMN, those three seconds suck!
AAC